dear diary,
sometimes i think the tango would be so much nicer if we never exchanged names, if we never talked, if we never exchanged pleasantries, if we simply danced and enjoyed the moments.
there would be no awkward moments...
it's just that, well, we are social animals. i don't know that it would be possible to be in a social dance and NOT participate in social rituals.
but, to what extent, to be social?
i suppose that i want only the GOOD in social, and none of the NOT-GOOD in social. i am unreasonable, i know.
i have heard people say, "i go dancing to have a good time." of course! who wants to go to a party to have a bad time? but the tango, it is very strange. i do it, more than "to have a good time." i am drawn to it, to feel the embrace of another human being, to feel the warmth of another body, to lose myself into the music, to not think (and just be), to trust completely, to be vulnerable. all of this, all of it, i want.
but, this is so painful for me: to see an angry face, an unhappy face, a sad face, because your seat is much too warm, having sat on it for too long.
2 comments:
I think in tango, because the connection is vital - that we naturally must also be so vulnerable. I had to lead last night in class because (as usual) there weren't enough men to go around. My first time leading for more than a 2 second exercise. My follower rolled her eyes, sighed deeply at my every attempt, and repeated that she simply 'felt nothing'. (I felt like I wanted to crawl under a rock.) She was unhappy with their not being enough men, with the instruction being too basic for her level (it's a beginners' class) and made a sour face for most of the following practica. She was disappointed. I was disappointed of course because I had done so badly. The disappointment seemed to spread until I made a conscious effort to shake it off. I don't know how leaders take the pressure, honestly. Maybe because I'm such a beginner, I'm just happy to listen to the music until someone wants to dance with me.
Mari,
I have taken the same series of beginner through intermediate classes for over a year. In each class, I focus on one thing. Every step is special, with every partner.
My turns have become better, because I revisit my techniques every week, being disciplined, not taking short cuts, just simply making every turn as effortless and delicious as I can, for myself and for my partners.
I have seen the eye-rolling many times, and I sigh inside, thinking that there is an endless path to beauty in every simple step, if only the person would embrace the discipline, and simply forget the labels of beginner/advanced/blah blah blah.
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