they come to the milonga, because he loves her.
in his eyes, fear, uncertainty.
they stand, watching the floor for a very long time.
someone asks her to dance, and they have a lovely set.
again the couple stand, watching the floor.
then, a moment of bravery, and they enter the flow. he is tentative, nervous. he steps carefully, wondering what she must think of him, thinking that he is not good enough, that she must want to be with the OTHER MEN, ALL THESE MEN WHO ARE BETTER AND FANCIER AND....
but all i see, from a distance, is that she loves him.
bliss
Dear Diary,
During breakfast (toast, salmon, butter, yum), I had to just had to dance with Lomyl.
Lomyl came home last weekend from several long trips. I think I had numbed myself in order to stay sane, while she was away. The return brought back waves of emotional discharge.
It began Tuesday night, after her lesson with her teacher. As we danced in the living room, I could not believe the bliss that enveloped me.
Again on Wednesday.
Again on Thursday.
This morning, in the middle of the second song, I burst into tears. Uncontrollable, drippy soppy tears that poured out of everywhere (even from my nose). Every note was delicious. Every movement made sense. Everything that I wished and thought and imagined came forth between us. I felt, and she gave.
I said to Lomyl, "This is the Heaven that people in Heaven dream about."
Still in tears, I left for work. In the solitude of my car, I cried and cried and cried.
During breakfast (toast, salmon, butter, yum), I had to just had to dance with Lomyl.
Lomyl came home last weekend from several long trips. I think I had numbed myself in order to stay sane, while she was away. The return brought back waves of emotional discharge.
It began Tuesday night, after her lesson with her teacher. As we danced in the living room, I could not believe the bliss that enveloped me.
Again on Wednesday.
Again on Thursday.
This morning, in the middle of the second song, I burst into tears. Uncontrollable, drippy soppy tears that poured out of everywhere (even from my nose). Every note was delicious. Every movement made sense. Everything that I wished and thought and imagined came forth between us. I felt, and she gave.
I said to Lomyl, "This is the Heaven that people in Heaven dream about."
Still in tears, I left for work. In the solitude of my car, I cried and cried and cried.
vanity
this is a picture of me tossing my partner (or should i say, opponent?) with my favorite technique.i like it, except for the hundreds of details that i hate hate hate.
but you know what? i look GOOD because my partner was UPSIDE-DOWN, just before his crash to the mat.
i also look GOOD because you can barely see me. i didn't like my hair. i didn't like my puffy face. i didn't like my eyeballs rolled all the way back. so... i took out everything that i didn't like, and kept just the lines to suggest that, at this moment in time, i was a superior fighter. (did i mention that i wanted to look good too?)
--
i often hear, it's all about the shoes from my tanguera friends (i catch them, all the time, checking themselves from any shiny surface they can find, the way their shoes look so beautiful on their feet). we all get a chuckle about it. of course, the shoes, the gorgeous feet, the beautifully strong legs, the dress... none of it escapes anyone on the dance floor. the dance is beautiful, and i want to be beautiful enough to be in the dance.
hypnosis
leader: "i confess, when i dance with you, i have this crazy desire to close my eyes."
follower: "oh. i have heard that."
leader: "huh? really?"
follower: "yeah, one time, this guy apologized for crashing me into a table, because he had closed his eyes for just a moment."
leader: "..."
zen face
dear diary,
after the song, my partner notices that i am smiling.
she: "what? what did i do now?"
me: "huh? i am having a great time."
she: (still doubting) "oh... ok."
me: "it's hard to smile and not smile at the same time."
-
i get this ALL THE TIME. i am smiling because i am content/happy/goofy. and people around me think i am laughing at them. i think i say "i am smiling because i am very happy right now" at least once a week at the milongas.
after the song, my partner notices that i am smiling.
she: "what? what did i do now?"
me: "huh? i am having a great time."
she: (still doubting) "oh... ok."
me: "it's hard to smile and not smile at the same time."
-
i get this ALL THE TIME. i am smiling because i am content/happy/goofy. and people around me think i am laughing at them. i think i say "i am smiling because i am very happy right now" at least once a week at the milongas.
note to self
dear diary,
in class i was a follower.
oh my oh my my back hurt my feet hurt my knee hurt my shoulder hurt. yikes!!!!
as i grunted, my practice partner asked about her technique. i demonstrated what my body felt on her. she winced and grunted too.
-
note to (the leader) self: don't off-balance your partner. don't yank your partner. don't squash your partner. don't jerk your partner.
note #2: doesn't take much at all to be in pain. so don't give it.
puzzle to self: is it possible to protect myself from these unintended leader mal-actions?
self-doubt question: maybe it's me. maybe the leader was doing everything right????
in class i was a follower.
oh my oh my my back hurt my feet hurt my knee hurt my shoulder hurt. yikes!!!!
as i grunted, my practice partner asked about her technique. i demonstrated what my body felt on her. she winced and grunted too.
-
note to (the leader) self: don't off-balance your partner. don't yank your partner. don't squash your partner. don't jerk your partner.
note #2: doesn't take much at all to be in pain. so don't give it.
puzzle to self: is it possible to protect myself from these unintended leader mal-actions?
self-doubt question: maybe it's me. maybe the leader was doing everything right????
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