dear diary,
a moment, i (more precisely, my body) understood the intricate twists required for the grapevine. for several years, i saw but i didn't understand; i accidentally felt but i could not reproduce. and then, in the middle of a meeting at work, i got it.
in judo, one is not a student until attaining the rank of black belt.
i feel one step closer to (and sometimes frustratingly not yet) being a student of tango.
Showing posts with label judo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label judo. Show all posts
just words
it's so easy, working with students that understand.
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i was working with two guys, new to judo, but clearly practitioners of other disciplines. i didn't have to say much. just a few words, a few descriptions here and there. what a pleasure!
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me: "... good. it's working. i notice that you are breathing in before the attack. i want you to breath out as you attack. try it."
student does. whump. a grin on his face. his partner appreciates the unexpected crispness of the throw.
me: "when you breath in, two things happen: one, your opponent knows you are up to something; two, your movement is off-synchronized by one. when you breath out as you attack, you become one with his body. it is very very hard for him to defend, once you are in his space."
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i suspect that these words make no sense. the words represent what my body understands, and doesn't translate well by my mouth...
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seventeen years from now, i hope my body will understand the tango to this depth.
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i was working with two guys, new to judo, but clearly practitioners of other disciplines. i didn't have to say much. just a few words, a few descriptions here and there. what a pleasure!
-
me: "... good. it's working. i notice that you are breathing in before the attack. i want you to breath out as you attack. try it."
student does. whump. a grin on his face. his partner appreciates the unexpected crispness of the throw.
me: "when you breath in, two things happen: one, your opponent knows you are up to something; two, your movement is off-synchronized by one. when you breath out as you attack, you become one with his body. it is very very hard for him to defend, once you are in his space."
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i suspect that these words make no sense. the words represent what my body understands, and doesn't translate well by my mouth...
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seventeen years from now, i hope my body will understand the tango to this depth.
i miss them
dear diary,
in nyc during the weekend, so much memory.
i miss my teachers.
what a strange period of my past life. every day, i carried 3 bags: knife bag (for cooking school), judo bag, and computer bag. every day, i traveled from clients' offices, to the dojo, back to my clients, downtown to Chinatown, ate through Chinatown (i was burning thousands of calories every day from training), to cooking school, then late train home.
it was a very good thing that i did not know about the tango at that time.
in nyc during the weekend, so much memory.
i miss my teachers.
what a strange period of my past life. every day, i carried 3 bags: knife bag (for cooking school), judo bag, and computer bag. every day, i traveled from clients' offices, to the dojo, back to my clients, downtown to Chinatown, ate through Chinatown (i was burning thousands of calories every day from training), to cooking school, then late train home.
it was a very good thing that i did not know about the tango at that time.
groan is good in judo
during practice, a novice worked on a take-down, in which i was the take-downee (she was Tori, I, Uke.) as i fell onto my back, she followed me down to the mat, transitioned into matwork, and then, to a pin. i groaned loudly (HEY it hurt), because she (as instructed) inflicted great discomfort into my rib cage. she released immediately, fear in her eyes, asked me whether i was ok. i replied, "YES! groan is good. you want to hear groans from your opponent." to this, the instructor (of this move) said, "yes. you see, he could stop the pain anytime, if only he would just let you win."
heh heh...
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the black-and-blue spots on my body from two weeks ago (unrelated to the above fun times) have healed to a more pleasant pale-green.
heh heh...
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the black-and-blue spots on my body from two weeks ago (unrelated to the above fun times) have healed to a more pleasant pale-green.
tenacity
One way to win a match in Judo is by pinning (for as long as 25 seconds) your opponent onto his back. The "rule" is: you are in control of your opponent if s/he cannot escape without your release. When the referee sees the start of a pin, he extends one arm, palm down, and utters "Osae Komi."
In this video, the aggressor quickly turns his opponent onto the mat (amazing control). The opponent fights with everything for as long as he could. You can see that, exhausted, his left hand just drops down to the mat (what a symbol!), at the end.
...
It is so easy to give up. There had been hundreds, if not thousands, of times when I had given up. (To be fair, I had also been stubborn enough to tough through many moments.) On the other hand, perhaps it's good to know when to fold...
Anyway, I wonder, how come I have not once wanted to give up the Tango. (Maybe I just haven't been in it long enough?)
getting better, or not
me: "how did it feel dancing with me?"
follower: "great. this was true even a year ago."
me: "... have i gotten better? ... i mean, well, i can't dance with myself..."
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lomyl and i have been talking a lot about the changes (tango) in ourselves. i gripe often that i don't know how i have evolved and transformed in this discipline, the tango.
in the early years of my training in judo, i never felt any improvements. every night that i played, i got whumped by the black belts. and then, just as i thought that i was getting better (it would take longer for the whumping to happen), as if they were teasing me all along, i would get my ass kicked again. of course, that was exactly what was going on. the good players, the good teachers, they played just enough for me to understand what was going on. and then, when i did improve, they simply kicked it up a notch. it would be the same ordeal, all over again.
sensei tells me this story: his younger brother was in an elite college judo program in Japan. in the company of these world-class athletes, he was powerless against them. he felt deflated, and wondered whether he belonged. sensei told him to wait until he competed against another school. sure enough, beat the crap out of his opponents.
am i getting better, in the tango?
follower: "great. this was true even a year ago."
me: "... have i gotten better? ... i mean, well, i can't dance with myself..."
--
lomyl and i have been talking a lot about the changes (tango) in ourselves. i gripe often that i don't know how i have evolved and transformed in this discipline, the tango.
in the early years of my training in judo, i never felt any improvements. every night that i played, i got whumped by the black belts. and then, just as i thought that i was getting better (it would take longer for the whumping to happen), as if they were teasing me all along, i would get my ass kicked again. of course, that was exactly what was going on. the good players, the good teachers, they played just enough for me to understand what was going on. and then, when i did improve, they simply kicked it up a notch. it would be the same ordeal, all over again.
sensei tells me this story: his younger brother was in an elite college judo program in Japan. in the company of these world-class athletes, he was powerless against them. he felt deflated, and wondered whether he belonged. sensei told him to wait until he competed against another school. sure enough, beat the crap out of his opponents.
am i getting better, in the tango?
aging
(This must have been in the early 1990s...)
I watched my friend, who was probably 50 years old, fight against an opponent who was probably no older than 20, at a prestigious tournament, a warm-up for the Olympic games. My friend was a member of his country's Olympic team in 1980, but could not compete because of the boycott. Anyway, at the beginning the match, the two were evenly matched, but it was clear that the young one was stronger, and would out-last my friend, who was fading. I could see the determination in his eyes, the will to win, only to be betrayed by his body.
This was the context to what has been in my head even now, many years later. Next to me was a well-known judoka, who openly criticized my friend for competing. She said, "He has no business being on the mat. He is too old and should quit."
Objectively, she was absolutely right.
For a couple of weeks, I have been posting status messages on Facebook, lamenting my body's entry into the second half of my life, a perfect excuse to buy cool gadgets.
I feel sluggish, both physically and intellectually. On both fronts, I am pushing, conditioning, forcing myself to become my former self. I can see the trap that I have set for myself. Of course, we can never return to the past, our past. But, oh is it ever so enticing...
When I mentioned to a colleague that I could no longer execute a judo move, he asked what do people do as they age, do they play dirty? I responded, "sacrifice throws."
I watched my friend, who was probably 50 years old, fight against an opponent who was probably no older than 20, at a prestigious tournament, a warm-up for the Olympic games. My friend was a member of his country's Olympic team in 1980, but could not compete because of the boycott. Anyway, at the beginning the match, the two were evenly matched, but it was clear that the young one was stronger, and would out-last my friend, who was fading. I could see the determination in his eyes, the will to win, only to be betrayed by his body.
This was the context to what has been in my head even now, many years later. Next to me was a well-known judoka, who openly criticized my friend for competing. She said, "He has no business being on the mat. He is too old and should quit."
Objectively, she was absolutely right.
For a couple of weeks, I have been posting status messages on Facebook, lamenting my body's entry into the second half of my life, a perfect excuse to buy cool gadgets.
I feel sluggish, both physically and intellectually. On both fronts, I am pushing, conditioning, forcing myself to become my former self. I can see the trap that I have set for myself. Of course, we can never return to the past, our past. But, oh is it ever so enticing...
When I mentioned to a colleague that I could no longer execute a judo move, he asked what do people do as they age, do they play dirty? I responded, "sacrifice throws."
the box
after about five minutes of sparring, the beginner was frustrated that he could not do anything with me...
student: "i don't know what to do."
me: "you are fighting well. your grip fight is good. but, you are spending all your time worrying about the grip, instead of attacking me."
few minutes later...
me: "fantastic. now i am worried about your attacks."
student: "but i am still not getting anywhere."
me: "well, your attacks are fine. but, to me, it feels like everything you do is confined within this box around you. and i am not in that box."
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i am constantly giddy over the similarities of the different worlds that i live. in the tango, what can be better than the moment when my partner and i are together in our cocoon?
student: "i don't know what to do."
me: "you are fighting well. your grip fight is good. but, you are spending all your time worrying about the grip, instead of attacking me."
few minutes later...
me: "fantastic. now i am worried about your attacks."
student: "but i am still not getting anywhere."
me: "well, your attacks are fine. but, to me, it feels like everything you do is confined within this box around you. and i am not in that box."
---
i am constantly giddy over the similarities of the different worlds that i live. in the tango, what can be better than the moment when my partner and i are together in our cocoon?
vanity
this is a picture of me tossing my partner (or should i say, opponent?) with my favorite technique.i like it, except for the hundreds of details that i hate hate hate.
but you know what? i look GOOD because my partner was UPSIDE-DOWN, just before his crash to the mat.
i also look GOOD because you can barely see me. i didn't like my hair. i didn't like my puffy face. i didn't like my eyeballs rolled all the way back. so... i took out everything that i didn't like, and kept just the lines to suggest that, at this moment in time, i was a superior fighter. (did i mention that i wanted to look good too?)
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i often hear, it's all about the shoes from my tanguera friends (i catch them, all the time, checking themselves from any shiny surface they can find, the way their shoes look so beautiful on their feet). we all get a chuckle about it. of course, the shoes, the gorgeous feet, the beautifully strong legs, the dress... none of it escapes anyone on the dance floor. the dance is beautiful, and i want to be beautiful enough to be in the dance.
working my way up the ladder
When I started Judo, almost nineteen years ago, I kneeled at the end of the line, as a symbol of my novice status in the discipline. Another tradition: at the end of practice, while everyone else steps off the mat to have a nice-cold-beer, the person at the end of the line sweeps and mops the mat. One day, Sensei watched me mop the mat for a few minutes. Then, "You don't clean your house?" That's all he said. It was left for me to figure out "the way to clean." He never had to correct me again.
Often, I hear people in the Tango talk about "beginner," "intermediate," "advanced," blah blah blah, and their eagerness to climb higher and higher on whatever ladder it is that they think they are on. Before a practitioner attains black-belt (many years), he is simply a novice, or apprentice. Only after he reaches that first landmark, does he become a student. And, after he earns the fourth-level black-belt (many decades), he is honored with the title, Sensei, or, teacher.
(This is Sensei's new dojo, with a new crop of novices taking on the time-honored duty.)
not in the books
for warmup, i wrestled with a roku-dan teacher. despite not having sparred in a long time, my body woke up instantly.
as we tumbled and tangled on the mat, i kept thinking: "cute. this is not in the books." our bodies simply responded to each other. an advance followed by a counter. his arm came for my neck. i blocked and pinned his arm with my knee. he turned. i set a trap...
i remembered how much fun (in the midst of much pain) i used to have, before i spent most of my time teaching.
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one day, maybe my tango will be as effortless and whimsical.
as we tumbled and tangled on the mat, i kept thinking: "cute. this is not in the books." our bodies simply responded to each other. an advance followed by a counter. his arm came for my neck. i blocked and pinned his arm with my knee. he turned. i set a trap...
i remembered how much fun (in the midst of much pain) i used to have, before i spent most of my time teaching.
--
one day, maybe my tango will be as effortless and whimsical.
wanting both
Yesterday, I wrote about teaching the kids wrestling techniques. I then found this video. The mat work is simply superb. The moves were so good that I fidgeted with nervous tics as I watched it.
Judo has been in my life for almost 19 years, leaving behind scars from many encounters. My body feels, before I can think about it, the weaknesses in my opponents, and jumps on these opportunities. I love these moments, but I don't crave them, because they are painful.
(I wonder if you are repulsed by the video.)
Here is the thing: I am still in love with Judo. And I am infatuatingly and passionately in love with Tango. I love the primitive aggressions in the wrestling, and I love the equally primitive, but sweet sweet sweet physical contacts of Tango.
My body wants and needs both...
Judo has been in my life for almost 19 years, leaving behind scars from many encounters. My body feels, before I can think about it, the weaknesses in my opponents, and jumps on these opportunities. I love these moments, but I don't crave them, because they are painful.
(I wonder if you are repulsed by the video.)
Here is the thing: I am still in love with Judo. And I am infatuatingly and passionately in love with Tango. I love the primitive aggressions in the wrestling, and I love the equally primitive, but sweet sweet sweet physical contacts of Tango.
My body wants and needs both...
ride the face
it was my turn to work with the kids last night.
all matwork.
we went through a number of basic pins, including the kami shiho gatame (also known as the upper four quarters hold; in the video, 35 seconds into the match, the aggressor pins his opponent in a kami shiho variation). anyway, the kids were just kind of hovering over their opponents, without applying any pressure. i stopped them, and showed what i wanted from them. i placed my stomach onto one kid's face, squashed it smooshed it making sure that i covered his nose mouth everything until he whimpered (disclaimer: all forced reduced to appropriate level for children under the age of 8, no child was harmed in this demonstration).
i said to them, "if my opponent is in pain, then i am winning."
all matwork.
we went through a number of basic pins, including the kami shiho gatame (also known as the upper four quarters hold; in the video, 35 seconds into the match, the aggressor pins his opponent in a kami shiho variation). anyway, the kids were just kind of hovering over their opponents, without applying any pressure. i stopped them, and showed what i wanted from them. i placed my stomach onto one kid's face, squashed it smooshed it making sure that i covered his nose mouth everything until he whimpered (disclaimer: all forced reduced to appropriate level for children under the age of 8, no child was harmed in this demonstration).
i said to them, "if my opponent is in pain, then i am winning."
Kyoto Judo
I watch this video of Kyoto University Judo all the time. The music haunts me. I am mesmerized by the clean clean clean precision of every part and every movement of the body. I am also impressed with the white white white gis.
To be in perfect control of the self, to be in absolute synchrony with the opponent... If I were to replace "opponent" with "partner," and add music to the mix, I would find myself in the perfect tango moment.
discovery
before they spar, i tell the novices,
don't worry that you don't know the moves. let your body discover what it likes to do. and then i will tell you the name of that move. look, they have all been invented already. you are just allowing your body to rediscover the essence of fighting.
don't worry that you don't know the moves. let your body discover what it likes to do. and then i will tell you the name of that move. look, they have all been invented already. you are just allowing your body to rediscover the essence of fighting.
precision
my judo students ask me this all the time: "where should i put my hand/feet/arm/shoulder/hip/...?"
answer 1: "does it hurt when you move that way? yes? don't do that."
answer 2: "depends on your opponent."
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technique does not equal precision.
for every opponent, you modify your techniques to precisely match your opponent.
answer 1: "does it hurt when you move that way? yes? don't do that."
answer 2: "depends on your opponent."
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technique does not equal precision.
for every opponent, you modify your techniques to precisely match your opponent.
everything
last night, during moving uchi komi, i told my students,
"guys, you are saving a piece of yourself. the attack is absolute and complete. when you go in, you must offer all of yourself. you must accept defeat in every attack. in every attack, there should be a defining moment, the time when you know someone is going to win BIG. you just don't know who yet."
practice resumed. they looked spectacular. bodies flew all over the mat. smiles everywhere.
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sometimes, when everything is just right, when i submit completely to the music, the dance, the connection, when i don't save a piece of myself, i move with tears in my eyes. when this happen, lomyl kisses me lightly and breathes for me, and steadies my spirit.
"guys, you are saving a piece of yourself. the attack is absolute and complete. when you go in, you must offer all of yourself. you must accept defeat in every attack. in every attack, there should be a defining moment, the time when you know someone is going to win BIG. you just don't know who yet."
practice resumed. they looked spectacular. bodies flew all over the mat. smiles everywhere.
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sometimes, when everything is just right, when i submit completely to the music, the dance, the connection, when i don't save a piece of myself, i move with tears in my eyes. when this happen, lomyl kisses me lightly and breathes for me, and steadies my spirit.
the most human
I believe it is in my nature to dance by virtue of the beat of my heart, the pulse of my blood and the music in my mind. So I dance daily. - Robert Flughum
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Almost two decades ago, my judo teacher said a few simple words to me, about the way of the warrior. Since that time, when I fought, the world reduced to the opponent in front of me, and all of life reduced to one purpose: to take him down.
Now, when I dance, the world becomes the partner in my embrace, and all of life reduces to grace.
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Almost two decades ago, my judo teacher said a few simple words to me, about the way of the warrior. Since that time, when I fought, the world reduced to the opponent in front of me, and all of life reduced to one purpose: to take him down.
Now, when I dance, the world becomes the partner in my embrace, and all of life reduces to grace.
balance
judo.tango.
once, a follower asked whether i only did things that ended in "o."
in judo, i learned balanceconnectioncontactmovementandtrust.
in tango, i am rediscovering balanceconnectioncontactmovementandtrust.
oh, and patience.
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