dear diary,
i have been preparing for tonight's alternative milonga. for days, i agonized over the sets. the more i listen, the more i am unhappy with my collection. finally, i have a couple of hours of the alternatives.
i burned a cd yesterday, to listen to them in the car. ugh! one set after another, "i can't dance to this!" "too long!" (but this i can deal with.) "hmmm. what do i play before this, and what after?" (ok, this is a good sign.) "what was i thinking? this song stinks!" getting out of the car, i was fuming. less than 36 hours away, and i am not in love with my music.
this morning, i burned another cd, to see if the changes that i made are acceptable. i am now doubting my taste. i mean, I LIKE the MUSIC, but, is it danceable? is it going to be fun? is it going to be embraced? should i keep it? should i go ahead and play it? should i go with an old set that i know to have been good?
and then, what about the traditionals? i have a few beautiful, and i mean really really beautiful new sets, sets that i have never played, one of De Caro, that i want to play, but that i am not sure would work with the alternatives. should i just go for it? should i be "conservative," and play the traditional sets that i know?
i only have 2 hours before the milonga, to figure out what i want. yes yes yes i don't create a list on-the-fly. i am not good enough to do that yet. i prepare and i prepare, and this time, i do not feel confident at all.
going into the night, with trepidation.
-
update: the night was fantastic. will post playlist soon.
shexperience?
conversations with tanguera friends...
one is sitting away from everyone, because she is not having a good time; because she is dancing with people with whom she no longer enjoys the experience; because she has become much better, and they have not; because she doesn't yet know how to say no.
another doesn't know why why why... she dresses; she puts on her beautiful shoes; she is beautiful; she is a fantastic dancer; and yet, she goes, with fear and anticipation, wondering whether she will dance, whether she will sit the entire night, whether she will have to say no to someone she doesn't want to dance with... a ride on the emotional roller coaster every time she goes to a milonga. why? why? why?
i listen to these stories, and i am so thankful that i am a man.
one is sitting away from everyone, because she is not having a good time; because she is dancing with people with whom she no longer enjoys the experience; because she has become much better, and they have not; because she doesn't yet know how to say no.
another doesn't know why why why... she dresses; she puts on her beautiful shoes; she is beautiful; she is a fantastic dancer; and yet, she goes, with fear and anticipation, wondering whether she will dance, whether she will sit the entire night, whether she will have to say no to someone she doesn't want to dance with... a ride on the emotional roller coaster every time she goes to a milonga. why? why? why?
i listen to these stories, and i am so thankful that i am a man.
life, measured in tango years
"welcome back!"
"thanks!"
"how was your vacation?"
"great!"
"... how long were you gone?"
"12 milongas."
"thanks!"
"how was your vacation?"
"great!"
"... how long were you gone?"
"12 milongas."
now i smellunderstand
dear diary,
i read often about the odor/fragrances in the tango (for example, this). interestingly, not so much in the conversations during the milongas. (probably a sensitive topic.)
i enjoy the different and unique perfumes of my partners. sometimes, although this is rare (hmmm), two people radiate the same scent (perfume, soap, shampoo, i don't really know). over time, the scent has become part of the connections. sometimes, the sweaty scents enhance the experience.
so far so good, until last night. i was a follower during the entire class. my nose was very very unhappy. maybe it's because a man doesn't like another man's odor?? i don't know. all i know is that i now understand what women are saying, when it comes to the "smell."
i hope i smell good...
i read often about the odor/fragrances in the tango (for example, this). interestingly, not so much in the conversations during the milongas. (probably a sensitive topic.)
i enjoy the different and unique perfumes of my partners. sometimes, although this is rare (hmmm), two people radiate the same scent (perfume, soap, shampoo, i don't really know). over time, the scent has become part of the connections. sometimes, the sweaty scents enhance the experience.
so far so good, until last night. i was a follower during the entire class. my nose was very very unhappy. maybe it's because a man doesn't like another man's odor?? i don't know. all i know is that i now understand what women are saying, when it comes to the "smell."
i hope i smell good...
how i find the songs
when people ask me how i find the songs that i play, my usual answer: i don't know. from everywhere. i am always on the alert. today, the following happened. and i thought it would be fun to write down the path of my discovery.
1. i am reading a book. it is a passage about junior prom, and Ricky Nelson's Lonesome Town is playing. It is apparently a slow song.
2. i drop everything. i go online and look for Lonesome Town on iTunes. OK, sound interesting. But I don't like Nelson's version, even though it is apparently the original.
3. i go to emusic.com and look for Lonesome Town. i download Nelson's version. But i hate it, because it is a live recording.
4. on emusic.com, i look for other artists' version of the same song. i go through the list, listen to a few of them. i find Clearwater Connection and like its interpretation.
5. i download it, and play it on the loud speaker (the laptop's speakers hide everything).
6. i dance to it. not bad. it IS slow. i can walk to it. i can spin to it. i like the mood.
7. i annotate the song in my itunes library. it is now a candidate alternative song. but, i need others to complement it.
8. i go back to emusic.com. and find other artists who have also recorded Lonesome Town. i find Tineta, a country artist. i listen to all the tracks, looking for i-don't-know-what, until i get to Have You Ever Seen The Rain (by Fogarty). OK. her version is sweet. this may work. i download it. BUT BUT BUT, i also remind myself to look for Fogarty's version, because you never know, and also because i remember from a very long time ago that i liked Fogarty's rendition.
9. now i have two possible candidates in a set.
10. i go back to reading the book.
11. but because i am obsessive, i go back to emusic.com, and download Creedence Clearwater Revival's Chronicle Volume One.
12. i look at the similar artists, and decide to try Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's Welcome to Woody Creek (don't ask me why). i scan every song. nothing turns me on. but, i download Any Love But Our Love, because, who knows, i may like it, i may not.
13. i go back to reading the book.
14. but WAIT! CCR Volume One does not contain Have You Ever Seen The Rain. back to the internet.
15. i find it under Pendulum (40th Anniversary Edition). i download it. oh it is fantastic!
16. at peace (for now). back to reading the book.
1. i am reading a book. it is a passage about junior prom, and Ricky Nelson's Lonesome Town is playing. It is apparently a slow song.
2. i drop everything. i go online and look for Lonesome Town on iTunes. OK, sound interesting. But I don't like Nelson's version, even though it is apparently the original.
3. i go to emusic.com and look for Lonesome Town. i download Nelson's version. But i hate it, because it is a live recording.
4. on emusic.com, i look for other artists' version of the same song. i go through the list, listen to a few of them. i find Clearwater Connection and like its interpretation.
5. i download it, and play it on the loud speaker (the laptop's speakers hide everything).
6. i dance to it. not bad. it IS slow. i can walk to it. i can spin to it. i like the mood.
7. i annotate the song in my itunes library. it is now a candidate alternative song. but, i need others to complement it.
8. i go back to emusic.com. and find other artists who have also recorded Lonesome Town. i find Tineta, a country artist. i listen to all the tracks, looking for i-don't-know-what, until i get to Have You Ever Seen The Rain (by Fogarty). OK. her version is sweet. this may work. i download it. BUT BUT BUT, i also remind myself to look for Fogarty's version, because you never know, and also because i remember from a very long time ago that i liked Fogarty's rendition.
9. now i have two possible candidates in a set.
10. i go back to reading the book.
11. but because i am obsessive, i go back to emusic.com, and download Creedence Clearwater Revival's Chronicle Volume One.
12. i look at the similar artists, and decide to try Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's Welcome to Woody Creek (don't ask me why). i scan every song. nothing turns me on. but, i download Any Love But Our Love, because, who knows, i may like it, i may not.
13. i go back to reading the book.
14. but WAIT! CCR Volume One does not contain Have You Ever Seen The Rain. back to the internet.
15. i find it under Pendulum (40th Anniversary Edition). i download it. oh it is fantastic!
16. at peace (for now). back to reading the book.
vulnerable
dear diary,
a string of good songs with a favorite partner. i begin to feel a twinge. i suppress it, but the music and the connection overwhelm me and take over. i swallow hard, trying to contain the rush, trying to control it. but i succumb.
i stop in the middle of the floor, unable to take another step, convulsing, breathing hard, 5, 15, 30 seconds, every tick of the clock, wanting to walk but unable to, knowing that as soon as i move, i would burst into tears. i am embarrassed and relieved at the same time.
finally able to move, i finish the song. with cracked voice and puffed eyes, i thank her.
a string of good songs with a favorite partner. i begin to feel a twinge. i suppress it, but the music and the connection overwhelm me and take over. i swallow hard, trying to contain the rush, trying to control it. but i succumb.
i stop in the middle of the floor, unable to take another step, convulsing, breathing hard, 5, 15, 30 seconds, every tick of the clock, wanting to walk but unable to, knowing that as soon as i move, i would burst into tears. i am embarrassed and relieved at the same time.
finally able to move, i finish the song. with cracked voice and puffed eyes, i thank her.
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