aging

(This must have been in the early 1990s...)

I watched my friend, who was probably 50 years old, fight against an opponent who was probably no older than 20, at a prestigious tournament, a warm-up for the Olympic games. My friend was a member of his country's Olympic team in 1980, but could not compete because of the boycott. Anyway, at the beginning the match, the two were evenly matched, but it was clear that the young one was stronger, and would out-last my friend, who was fading. I could see the determination in his eyes, the will to win, only to be betrayed by his body.

This was the context to what has been in my head even now, many years later. Next to me was a well-known judoka, who openly criticized my friend for competing. She said, "He has no business being on the mat. He is too old and should quit."

Objectively, she was absolutely right.

For a couple of weeks, I have been posting status messages on Facebook, lamenting my body's entry into the second half of my life, a perfect excuse to buy cool gadgets.

I feel sluggish, both physically and intellectually. On both fronts, I am pushing, conditioning, forcing myself to become my former self. I can see the trap that I have set for myself. Of course, we can never return to the past, our past. But, oh is it ever so enticing...

When I mentioned to a colleague that I could no longer execute a judo move, he asked what do people do as they age, do they play dirty? I responded, "sacrifice throws."