i have been learning new material over the past few months. it has been frustrating, but in a very good way. my body struggles to experience, just once or twice, the "right" feelings. they have been elusive, very elusive.
it is not intellectual. it never is. my body needs to feel "it." then my body understands.
in class last night, a few people (not friends), came to me and offered supportive words. it must have been obvious, on my face, the struggles within my body (to feel) and in my mind (to not think).
... as long as i am not developing bad habits, and that i am on the right track, i don't really care how long it takes. i am patient like that.
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so you want to know what was kicking my butt? ok. DISSOCIATION.
it's one thing to keep upper body still, and move lower body. or, to move upper body and keep lower body still. last night, i needed to move my upper body SLOWER than my lower body (of course, ALSO do this while I moved to the music, to the beat, be balanced, have good posture, breath, and not to off-balance my partner).
difficult. very difficult.
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there was a moment of light. i was both a follower and leader. at the end of an exercise, when the instructor asked the class for feedback, my leader blurted out (and pointing to me), "he is an incredible follower."
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and so it goes. the tango is cool like that.
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