From Merrian Webster,
in·eq·ui·ty
Pronunciation:
\(ˌ)i-ˈne-kwə-tē\
Function:
noun
Date:
1556
1 : injustice , unfairness 2 : an instance of injustice or unfairness
SallyCat writes and explores her experience of being invited to only two tandas on one night. (I am always uncomfortable at milongas where the ratio is overwhelmingly more women than men. While some women can project warm energies no matter what, many more cannot hide (nor should they) their disappointments, and this is (for real) devastating to my psyche.)
Look at the second definition of inequity. An instance? I now believe that every woman has experienced the I-didn't-dance-the-whole-night "trauma." Not just once. Not just early in her life as tanguera. But it can, and it does, happen anytime, anywhere. Of course, I, as a man, have never, and probably would never suffer from this.
I believe that life is balanced. Everything is balanced by something else: good with bad; anger with compassion; greed with generosity. Thus, that a woman should suffer and sit for an entire night, without dancing, must be balanced (in my belief framework) by something else in the tango.
I don't know what that is.
6 comments:
Hi, Me Likey Tango. Firstly, I would like to say thank you for your posts and that I quite like your blog, as I have a similar background (Kendo->Tango).
I'm not sure if balance is required in this case, or in every case, but it may be found in the risk the man takes in asking a woman to dance and the resulting trauma of getting a refusal. However the cabeceo, used properly, can take care of this. Actually, the cabeceo takes care of this for both the man and the woman. Just my humble and simple two cents...
Tangorilla_78.
Dear Tangorilla,
Thank you for your kind words.
I (as have many others) have thought about whether the trauma of refusal may "be" the "balance." But, while "rejection" can and does feel horrible for a man, that can be diminished, or offset, when he "simply" turns to the next woman (whom, perhaps, he knows is a "safe bet"), and invites her to dance.
The equivalent experience for a man, I imagine, would be a night in which he invites twenty women to dance, and every single one of them declines. I think that a man (yes, I am probably projecting my own insecurities here) has trouble with just ONE "no thank you." I don't think any man, no matter how confident he is, will remain whole after such a night.
And yet, I have spoken to a number of women, whose response to my query, "But what do you do when you haven't danced the entire night?" were uniformly: "Well, I try again the next night. That's how it goes."
Thats assuming symmetry between the a man's and a woman's tango experience. It makes sense that since the "flavour" of the connection and the responsibilities of the lead is different from the follower, that the penalties or the nature of a "bad night" would also be different. That doesn't mean they're not equal, just that we pay in different amounts and in different intervals than the ladies.
Actually I find it kinda funny that what happens in a milonga mirrors what happens in "real life", with guys doing the courting, while ladies having the choice of accepting or rejecting suitors. "Real life" because this greatly depends on the degree of conservatism in your community.
Hey, just to say thanks for linking to my post.
I won't say more on the subject here, because I have said a bit more in answering comments on the original post, but I enjoyed your post and the responses to it!
Beso, SC
They can go to milongas after one class, we have to attend hundreds of classes before we to milongas.
My first Argentine tango class (I had only had one ballroom tango class before), I joined a class that was already on it's 3rd lesson. The instructor told the women to stand in a circle in the middle, close their eyes and face outward, while the men lined the outside and choose a woman to dance with. There was one more woman than men. After we opened our eyes, I was the odd woman out. I felt like the last kid getting chosen for the baseball team. Anyway, the intructor danced with me and I'm sure I was terrible. At least I think so - as he switched to calling on the same two women the rest of the lesson. It's an awful feeling to not be picked. But the gentleman face this rejection far more acutely I think. So I just sucked it up and got back in it. What else can you do for love of the dance?
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