dear diary,
i love to watch the dancers, leaders, followers, the coupling...
and then there are some, well, i avert my eyes.
in my head, these words: ugly, stupid, awkward.
in another part of my head: bad bad bad boy for being judgemental.
i remember seeing myself in some old videos, and i hated the way i looked. i hated that i did not look graceful, elegant, beautiful.
i look better now.
i hate it that it matters to me.
(hmmm... i think i am in a funky self-immolation mood.)
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