judging

dear diary,

i love to watch the dancers, leaders, followers, the coupling...

and then there are some, well, i avert my eyes.

in my head, these words: ugly, stupid, awkward.

in another part of my head: bad bad bad boy for being judgemental.

i remember seeing myself in some old videos, and i hated the way i looked. i hated that i did not look graceful, elegant, beautiful.

i look better now.

i hate it that it matters to me.

(hmmm... i think i am in a funky self-immolation mood.)

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