collision

in front of me, he was practicing a pattern that he had just learned in the class before the milonga. very likely in the first weeks of his journey into this art, he was exuberant. after 15 seconds of staying in one spot, repeating the same pattern many times, i tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "if you want to do patterns, please go to the center of the floor, not in the line. i get nervous when i don't know where you are going." in response, he said, "well, my back is to you, so you are responsible for not running into me." i said (believe me when i tell you that i did not raise my voice, nor was i threatening), "all i am saying is that i get nervous when i don't know what you are going to do. so, if you are doing patterns, please (gesturing towards the middle of the room) go to the center." he glared at me the rest of the evening*.

this was an unnerving moment, because i had been thinking about a proper way of expressing my frustration to a leader who enters my space and jeopardizes me and my partner...

... the night before, a tanguero rammed into me twice. this man (always) behaved as if the floor was his private space. so, whenever i sensed him, i maneuvered my back towards him. anyway, the first collision was so powerful that even as i absorbed most of the blow, the remaining shockwave was still strong enough to pop my partner away from my embrace. incredibly, to the beat, i recovered, brought her back into the embrace, and led her into a turn, away from him. i did not want to think what might have happened had my partner been between him and me.

... during a conversation, not too long ago, a friend told me that while he could project his intention, he really wanted to project a moving presence, an impenetrable space belonging to only him and his partner.

i want the tangueros to respect my space.

this is my space. stay the fuck out**.

--

* i admit that i thought he was going to wait and ambush me outside, with the kind of looks that he was throwing my way. i considered the possibilities: knife? gun? bare knuckles? yes, it was probably a preposterous flicker of a thought. in any case, i sighed, thinking that i really was not in the mood for a confrontation. i am just not that kind of person. if anything, i have found myself, time after time, diffusing tense moments in corporate settings. and these encounters have always left me drained, sometimes physically shaken, for hours afterward.

** a part of me wonders whether i am unable to preserve my space because i am usually quiet and i don't (at least i don't think i do) project any need to be territorial. i am so gleeful to be on the floor with my partner, so thankful that i am able to dance, that i just don't "want" more. to me, any space, no matter how small it is, as long as i can dance, is happiness.