choose

dear diary,

i am still learning to identify the traits that tell me whether a follower would be compatible. i know now that some followers, in close embrace, can pull me off balance. it usually shows up within the first three steps. make that the first step. on the first step, with these kinds (and i don't know what that "kind" is) of followers, my upper body gets pulled off my center, and instead of taking a "natural" second step, i spend my efforts to regain balance. the entire dance becomes a struggle, damage control. i worry about the pain in my lower back. i worry about my posture. i worry about everything.

that happened tonight. with my first two partners, i was solid and centered. i felt the music. i felt the energy in the room. the struggle came with my third partner. i don't know her. i have never seen her. and, in watching her with her s.o., i couldn't identify her type. from the first step, i lost my balance. her back step pulled me out of my space. sigh. i am sure she felt awful dancing with me.

then i saw her dance with another leader, and she looked decent. i don't know how she felt to him. i don't know how he felt to her. they were certainly giving the impression of engaging in a reasonable conversation.

shaken...